“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” -Socrates

I already spoke often about studying with a mental and chronic illness but as I’m growing as a person I wanted to talk about how these changes impact one. Bc we all are going through some rough times and this ofc can also happen when we are currently studying.

These can be various situations we have to face like a loss of a family member or a friend, a breakup, diagnosis of an illness, losing a job and struggling with finances. But also other circumstances which may seem not as big at the first sight like losing friends, moving any kind of new situations we have to face and this maybe even all by ourselves.

In this post I want to speak about situations I had to face and how I dealt with it. You know my goal is to be as real as possible. BC I’m struggling, often and thats okay. But I want to encourage these of you that are also struggling and going through some things bc we have these deadlines and ppl telling us to keep it together. But there are times were we simple can’t.

In March I’m in my 3. Semester of my psychology studies. It was one off the best decisions I made and I totally love it. I’ve met so many wonderful ppl which makes me very thankful! But I also had to deal with many things after starting my studies. Bc of these things I was forced to take breaks. Which is why I’m nearly one semester behind. This really much stresses me out bc I see other students writing one exam after the other and I’m simply not. SO I thought I share my story with you to remind me that its okay and more importantly I cant change it now. The only thing I can do is keep going and giving my best.

In 2020 I had to face alot of changes. Covid hit the world everything was now online. I noticed that I struggled with my health physically and mentally. Which lead to my diagnosis of ADD and lipodema. But I was always positive about them bc they explained a lot of things for me. But I never took the time to realise the consequences. I’m chronically ill, I have days that I’m feeling really good and energetic and the next day I’m in pain or can barely focus. And I’m going to be like this forever.

In 2021 after fighting through several doctors and the insurance I knew I will have several surgeries. Which lead to my decisions to stop studying biology. Which I also had no time to process. Since I was 18 I worked on everything with the goal to become a marine biologist and after my diagnosis I had to face the fact that this won’t be happening. But our society has us to believe that we just have to keep going. So this is what I did! I changed my subject and my uni and decided to move back to my hometown.

And also this had much more impact on me as I first thought. I loved living at the sea, I had met new friends there and worked in marine biology which I also loved. But I struggled the most with the loss of my independence. Being physically and mentally ill means also to face certain situations in which I need help of others. That was why I moved back. BC after my surgeries I wasn’t able to walk properly for a couple of month. I couldn’t get groceries, walking my dog, driving to the doctor and so on. My anxiety got also worse last year and I had several panic attacks which made these situations much worse for me.

I’m telling you all this bc these are the things that happen behind the screen. I barely talk or post about it but its happening. And some ppl might judge easily, when they read that some ppl struggeling and may even take a study break for weeks or month. They easily write a comment with “well why don’t you just quit??” But why should we? Yes we struggle and may need more time to finish things but this doesn’t mean we cant achieve our goals! Life isnt easy its about to keep going even if its just to survive the day. To take a shower. To read a few pages. But just keep going.😇